The most dangerous thing society teaches boys and men, especially white boys and men, is that their emotions are objective logic and reason and that anyone who disagrees is being irrational.
"The sexual revolution prepared men for a world where women say yes to sex, but it did not prepare them for women’s right to say no."
Laura Gene McNally (via yoursocialconstructsareshowing)
Sometimes I think about how many little things we probably do every day that would totally mess up the reasoning of a Sherlock-Holmes-style detective.
Like the other day we went to the cinema and I was wearing a shirt with no pockets so I put the ticket in my trouser pocket. The next day I was wearing the same trousers and I put my hand in my pocket and found the ticket there.
Now, I have a certain selection of things I always have in my trouser pockets and I don’t really like having anything else in there because it confuses my hands when I want to get something, so I took the ticket out. And I wasn’t near a rubbish bin, but I was wearing a shirt with a breast pocket. So I put the ticket in the shirt pocket.
And I thought: if I get interestingly murdered, the Sherlock-Holmes-style detective is going to deduce that I’m wearing the same shirt that I wore yesterday. Because it’s got a cinema ticket in the pocket with yesterday’s date on, and why on earth would anyone put a cinema ticket in the pocket of a shirt unless they were wearing the shirt when they went to the cinema?
Which is a bit of reasoning we would all find totally convincing if it came from a Sherlock-Holmes-style detective. But it would be wrong. Because actually there are so many other explanations for things once you take account of the fact that people are often slightly eccentric in completely trivial and unguessable ways.
“Samuel Vimes dreamed about Clues. He had a jaundiced view of Clues. He instinctively distrusted them. They got in the way. And he distrusted the kind of person who’d take one look at another man and say in a lordly voice to his companion, “Ah, my dear sir, I can tell you nothing except that he is a left-handed stonemason who has spent some years in the merchant navy and has recently fallen on hard times,” and then unroll a lot of supercilious commentary about calluses and stance and the state of a man’s boots, when exactly the same comments could apply to a man who was wearing his old clothes because he’d been doing a spot of home bricklaying for a new barbecue pit, and had been tattooed once when he was drunk and seventeen* and in fact got seasick on a wet pavement. What arrogance! What an insult to the rich and chaotic variety of the human experience!”
—Terry Pratchett, Feet of Clay
When they told you that your body is a temple they failed to mention that your skin is what keeps your haven safe. I can see inside of your window eyes and I can see that your so-called sanctuary is caving in. That the stones that once kept you safe, that once held you up when there was no trace of strength inside of you, are starting to collapse around your fragile body. You think that no one can see the pain inside of you, but I can see that what took you so long to build, what has now bruised your hands and left you to fight alone, is failing you now when you need its protection the most.
If it’s true what they said, that your body really is a temple that should be treated with the highest form of respect, than they must have never been through the great storm. The storm that came so suddenly but still has yet to pass, even when the skies have cleared and the sun has revealed itself to you. It’s still alive, still burning, still full of the energy that you have always envied since you first learnt of it’s true power. But I promise, you warrior that has seen struggles that not even the bravest of men could face, that what the great storm has left behind will someday dry up. Even if someday is months or years away, your skin; your shelter of protection will soon heal.
One day you will be able to start building yourself again. You will come out of this war with blood on your hands, but this time it won’t be your own. This time you will laugh in the presence of your own misfortune and you will thrive from their memories of the long and tiring journey that once seemed too impossible to complete. I promise you that one day you will be able to speak of the great storm without your eye like windows forming a monsoon of its own. I promise that one day you will look at your battle scars and you will be able to say with confidence that you survived. That in the end, you came out of the storm as a hero."
"A letter to your self-doubt," - Colleen Brown (via mostlyfiction)
Anonymous said: Damn didn't know trying to force myself into liking men even when it made me suicidal was me contributing to str8 ppl's biphobia bcuz lesbophobia and compulsory heterosexuality made me bend over backwards to avoid acknowledging that I'm a lesbian. My bad. (P.s. Lol look around u there are tons of bpq people saying gayness/lesbianism doesn't exist/is oppressive/is less than cuz we're "restricting ourselves". They just hide it behind the term ~monosexuality~)
Wow. This was not at all something I was anticipating. I’m really, terribly sorry if I offended, upset or triggered you in some way. You’re clearly speaking from a place of great hurt, and frankly, oppression that has come at the hands of a homophobic world. I get that. I hope I didn’t upset you unnecessarily.
But I stand by what I said:
okay here goes: I use the term *pan*sexual because I don’t give two shits about gender.
do i date men? generally no. the whole male privilege thing? heck of a turn off. I’m definitely somewhere on the asexuality spectrum because physical appearance? it means shit all to me. I care about people and their personalities, and therefore mostly date women.
so is my experience your experience? NO. would I ever suggest that it is? NO. but do you have any idea what it’s like to be bi/pansexual? NO.
and that’s the problem here. you’re looking at us going “the grass is greener” and we’re looking at you and saying the same damn thing.
and I’m sorry that there are bpq people denying your existence, but you deny ours as well.
maybe I made my point too angrily and I’m sorry if I came across as angry or condescending, but what I was trying to say was this:
separating the LGBTQIAP+ community into LG and then BPQ and then drawing lines suggesting “these people (whether LG identifying OR BPQ identifying) are more oppressed than these ones” as a means to try to make YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE of oppression seem somehow more valid, as you are clearly *MORE OPPRESSED* is not an effective way of coping with this.
Being LGBTQIAP+ is not easy. we all experience the daily reality of living as queer people in a homophobic world. for us as a community to be throwing around things like “it’s easier to be polysexual” or “it’s easier to be ‘monosexual’ and queer” is wrong. either way.
I don’t want to discount, in any way, the oppression you face as a lesbian.
But I’m not lesbian. I’m also not straight. And the differences between our sexualities? They mean that the way oppression manifests in our lives is different. But a difference in experience doesn’t mean differing degrees of oppression. At least not such that you can weigh out the lesbian experience and the female bisexual/ pansexual experience and somehow come to a conclusion that one is more or less privileged than the other. That’s all I was trying to say.
Again. I’m sorry if adding my voice to a dialogue about queer issues was offensive. To anyone. And if you’re reading this and fuming right now, I’d love to talk about it. Because I don’t want my ignorance, if I’m being ignorant, to ruin your day. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
"But what is to become of all these diaries, I asked myself yesterday. If I died, what would Leo make of them? He would be disinclined to burn them; he could not publish them. Well, he should make up a book from them, I think; & then burn the body. I daresay there is a little book in them: if the scraps & scratches were straightened out a little. God knows.
This is dictated by a slight melancholia, which comes upon me sometimes now, & makes me think I am old: I am ugly. I am repeating things. Yet, as far as I know, as a writer I am only now writing out my mind."
white dudes get so mad when you point out that their opinion is not always at all times necessary or desired
One of my favourite aspects of argumentation in favour of monosexism/monosexual privilege as a concept is how bi/pan people arguing in favour of it will happily use personal experience as proof, yet when we gay people mention having been treated shittily by bi/pan people, it’s invalid and generalising and perpetuating stereotypes and has a million justifications and is actually also proof of monosexism.
okay, here’s my thought and feel free to shoot me down:
I understand this, and I can respect this, and I’m not going to yell “monosexual privilege!!!” at you, but I’d appreciate it if we considered, in this space, right here, that both realities might be equally true. there are elements of privilege in monosexuality and elements of privilege in being perceived as *somewhat* heterosexual as a queer person (saying the latter as a pansexual, fyi). I honestly believe there are instances in which both have privilege, albeit to varying degrees.
For example, no one is out there (okay, very few people, most of those who are being religious radicals) actively being all “GAY PEOPLE DON’T EXIST” but there is a lot of denial that bisexuality/ pansexuality is a thing EVEN WITHIN THE LGBT COMMUNITY. people have joked for as long as I can remember about bisexuality being a phase, how bi people are eventually going to pick teams/ whatnot. (and this is actively encouraged by all the gay people who come out as bisexual before finally telling their parents, “actually, I’m totally gay” as a means to soften the blow of their queerness) and there is a lot of general concern about the ability of bi/ pan people to be monogomous, or just not cheat on the people they’re dating or to reliably stay in relationships. because obviously every polysexual person needs to be fucking any and all genders all the time, right? (we all know the stereotype. this isn’t a personal experience thing, it’s a common experience. “don’t date a bi/pan person, they’ll always dump you for a hetero.” fuck that).
At the same time, bi/pansexuality comes with the luxury (often, not always) of being straight passing. And passing privilege is privilege that often makes polysexual people less sensitive to some of the daily hardships of being out and out gay. Also, heteros are a little more comfortable with bi/pan people (for reasons strange and unusual) generally, as they somehow see polysexuality as *partial straightness* (ugh. why?) and therefore *normal* and this, although frustrating and problematic, shapes and informs how polysexual people see themselves. (ie- as more *normal* on some vague, nonexistent level, than the *proper* queers. (again, ugh. why? I hate having to talk about bisexuality as if it’s just semi-gayness or partial heterosexuality, but welp, there it is)). and this privilege, (although twisted and stupid) contributes to the potentially bullshit ways bi/pansexual people treat monosexual members of the LGBTQIAP+ community.
This is a both/and situation, not either/or.
And if the queer community could get our shit together and stop arguing about who’s the most oppressed I feel like we would make the world a better place, collectively, for all LGBTQIAP+ individuals everywhere. Thank you.
Dark Ages, Schmark Ages. The De-Textbook cuts through that and so much more fake-fact bullshit.
cloudy with a chance of witch burning
your periodic reminder that a good chunk of Europe basically shat the bed for a few centuries while everyone else kinda did their thing.
me: i have depression
person: *suddenly becomes mental health expert, nutritionist, spiritual guide* why dont u try yoga why dont u eat lots of fruit maybe u should exercise have u tried keeping a journal have u tried yoga have u tried meditation have u tried sitting in the sun have u tried patting a dog have u tried exercise yoga in the fruit sun yoga yoga
Anonymous said: which would you rather have: the flu or free U2?
Anonymous said: Eat a salad!
I assume you’re trying to say something about my size. But maybe not since you mentioned nothing of me being fat. Maybe there’s some sort of super secret salad society that I know nothing about and at a recent committee meeting the powers that be were like.. man, we really gotta get the word out there about this salad stuff before our stock plummets. So you’re just going around all frantically like “EAT A SALAD! EAT A SALAD! WON’T SOMEBODY PLEASE EAT A SALAD!”
Or maybe where you’re from that phrase means something else, sort of like that time JFK said “ich bin ein Berliner” in solidarity but some people thought he said ‘I am a doughnut’
Anyways, rest assure anon I do eat salad, fairly frequently at that. Granted they are not the healthiest thing I eat as they’re usually chock full of bacon, cheese, dressing, croutons and so on. Don’t even get me started on what goes into my pasta salads… the ‘fat=unhealthy and I’m just worried about you’ crowd would be outraged and I don’t feel like twisting any knickers today.